How To Show Up For Yourself: Improve Your Self-Love Muscle

The most important relationship we will ever have, is the one with ourselves. As cliche as it sounds, Mel Robbins said it first, but “no-one’s coming.” “No one is coming to save you, no one’s coming to push you…” You owe it to yourself to love yourself first and foremost, to back yourself and become your own best friend. 

Loving yourself, or self-love, really sets the tone for everything else in your life. How are you showing up for yourself? I like to say, “how you do one thing, is how you do everything” and that especially applies to how you love yourself. You set the standard, you set the tone, you set your worth - and my girl, I hope you put yourself on a pedestal because you are so so worth it. 

But with life’s crazy demands, social media and today’s accelerating society, a lot of us lean towards outsourcing validation, because it’s easier than confronting our inner shadow or what lies beneath. I mean, hear me out, you want to watch something? Scroll through Netflix. Want a date? Download Tinder. Hungry? Order Uber Eats. You get the idea. 

No wonder self-love has become confusing, a bit of a construct, or it’s easy to associate with bubble baths or getting your nails done. Self-love and reverence towards ourselves goes deeper and far beyond that. It’s an ongoing journey, a rite of passage we all deserve and a sacred ritual we should all embody. 

Much like a regular muscle, building our self-love muscle takes practice and doing the work. Sometime’s its not easy, but it’s worth it every single time. And here are some ways you can level up your self-love that you might not have thought of! 

1. Start showing up for yourself - be your best friend, commit and follow through 

Ever make grand plans or big goals, only to then later decide, “I’ll do it tomorrow” or “Tomorrow I will wake up early and go for a run” or “Tomorrow I will eat well.” I’ve been there too. But everytime we do this, we are dishonouring ourselves, our needs, and slowly chipping away at our self-love. We are subconsciously telling our minds, we really don’t deserve the thing we want, or that we actually can’t do it. 

But by showing up for yourself in those moments where you really don’t want to, or it would be easier to just skip, you are building that self-love and self-trust muscle. And hand in hand, this builds your self-esteem, your confidence and self-worth. You are showing to yourself and solidifying that new neural pathway, that YES you really CAN do hard things, you stick to your word, and most importantly, you CAN count on yourself. 

I like to reframe this as, you wouldn’t bail on a friend, why would you give up on yourself? Show up for yourself, because you deserve it! 

Please note, there is a difference between pushing yourself into burn out because you are not listening to your body, and not showing up, just because. 

Showing up for yourself can also look like: 

• Booking in those appointments you have been putting off 
• Replying to that email that has been sitting in your inbox 
• Paying those bills on time! (Money and self-love and self-worth are so interconnected) 
• Not cancelling that gym class you have booked in 
• Going to bed 30 minutes earlier, because you want to be an early-bird 

2. How you speak to yourself matters 

On average, we have around 60,000 - 70,000 thoughts every day. That is A LOT to keep up with. But have you ever stopped to enjoy a moment of stillness, ask yourself, “What do I really need in this moment?” Have you ever stopped yourself to say “thank you” to yourself, for showing up to that really hard meeting? Have you ever stopped to say “you look beautiful,” in the mirror, every time you catch your reflection? 

It’s in these moments of introspection, and showing kindness to ourselves via our words and thoughts that impact us the most. 

Similar to the above example, think about some of the self-deprecating words we are so quick to throw at ourselves. “I should have done better,” “Why did I say that” “That’s not good enough.” Would we ever say that to our best friends? 

I like to think our words are spells we put out to the universe, mirroring back to us our biggest beliefs. 

So I encourage you to think about the next time you criticise yourself, your skin, your hair, your body… would you say that to someone that you love? 

Replace these thoughts and words by practicing daily affirmations. Listen to positive affirmations. Learn a new mantra. Write it out in your journal every morning to set the tone for your day. 

3. Embrace your inner shadow, and feel the feels

It’s time let go of the inner shame, and feel the feels. Lean into the pain, confront those parts of yourself that may be hurting, frolic in your joy, and don’t put any limitations on your feelings. Fear, sadness and joy are all emotions we embody, and by safely and comfortably letting them in, it will help you understand yourself, and ultimately help you realise you are not your feelings. 

Shadow work can be tricky. What is shadow work you ask? It’s confronting, embracing and loving the parts of ourselves we don’t deem “good enough” or we try to suppress. By safely and comfortably letting them in, we show ourselves we’ve really got our own backs, we are safe in our bodies, and we truly love ourselves unconditionally. 

4. Don’t scare yourself 

I learned this from the great teacher, Louise Hay. Don’t scare yourself with frightful, worrying thoughts. A lot of us do this the minute we receive a message or note from our boss asking for a meeting, or perhaps your doctor has called you back after an appointment. We often tell ourselves the worse possible outcome that could happen and think of all the little things that could go wrong. 

But what could go right? Tune into your thoughts, acknowledge them, and let them go. This takes practice, but you owe it to yourself to be your own best friend and ally. 

I hope these tips help you. There are so many more I could include, self-love is an ongoing journey, one that we are all constantly embracing, and I hope today, from now on, you choose to be your very own best friend, you love yourself more than anything. Because you are so so loved, you are capable, and you are completely limitless. I love you!